Texts From Last Night...

(901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

(402): Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.

(727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

(617): a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you

(630): which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?

(306): This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded

(563): He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.

(828): he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.

(978): you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

(603): Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...


There are just too many to list...LOVE THIS WEBSITE!!!!